By Rubi
Being a mother is one of the biggest challenges I will ever have. In
my opinion, caring for a tiny human being could be one of the most rewarding
things in the world and the most stressful thing at the same time.
As she grows and gains more confidence she shows her temperament in
different ways. Most of the time she has a hard time understanding that
there are things she is not allowed to do such as:
- Hitting the glass door with her toys or materials
- Hitting her friends with her xylophone’s mallet
- Grabbing the toys from her friend’s hands (Over and over. She follows them and takes or wants whatever the other child has.)
- Screaming at her friends in the face to get a toy back
- Walking while eating or drinking
All of those things are really hard to understand for a 14 month old child,
who now has her hands free to explore and very little language skills. That
being said I strongly believe that it is important to set limits and set up the
foundations for care, love and respect.
We are also welcoming her friend K (10 months) into our home and I want F
to be respectful and show her positive behaviour. K will stay with us 5 days a
week and I want her to have a pleasant experience and feel safe, as well.
When I was working in a primary environment (children 3 to 6), at VMS, I
learned that consistency is the main key
when you are trying to set up boundaries. For example, sometimes I had to
show a child how to tuck in their chair over and over until they internalized
the concept. It was such a joy to see that proud child showing their friends
how to tuck in a chair in a respectful and loving way. I realized that it was
all worth it.
Here are some examples of the way I guide F when
she shows behaviour that is not appropriate:
- If F is hitting the glass door with a toy, I walk towards her, get to her eye level and calmly say “F No!” I show her how the toy works and give it back to her; if she hits the glass again I gently remove the toy from her hands and say: “It is time to put this toy away, since you are not using it properly” (even if she cries). I make sure to observe if she is hungry, tired, frustrated or just needs attention from Mommy.
It is important to remember that a
child this age may hit or act this way out of frustration or anger, or just to
discover how others will respond if
she has this behaviour. Sometimes they need an adult to consistently provide limits
until they have internalized their limits and can successfully manage their
impulses.
I like the way Deborah Carlisle Solomon addresses setting limits in her
book, Baby Knows
Best: Raising a Confident and Resourceful Child, the RIE Way: “Sometimes
a toddler will give a little push to another child who is in her way, and that
is the end of it. At other times, it’s plain to see that there is more energy
behind the push, it may signal the beginning of more aggression. Then it may be
necessary to squat down on their level. Your peaceful presence may be enough to
prevent things from escalating…..If one or both children continue trying to hit
or push, you may put one hand between them so that it won’t be possible for one
child to hit or push the other…… Do your best to set limits clearly and calmly,
without judgment or alarm.”
At the beginning when F started hitting, I was alarmed and concern. I
decided to analyze the situation and go back to do more reading. That made me
realize that it is a normal behaviour in a young child and it is up to me to
address it properly.
- When her friends come over and she consistently takes the toys away from them and they get frustrated and cry. I get F’s attention and say: “F, _____ is playing with the puzzle. You can have something else,” and I give her another option or options.
I do not say “you have to share,” since it is
important that she understands that another child is using that toy and she
can play with the toy as soon as it is available.
If the other child
doesn’t care that F took the toy away from him/her and moves onto a different
toy, I normally say nothing since it is nice to allow them the opportunity to
resolve their issues.
- When she hits another child I immediately stop her from doing it and give positive attention to the other child and say: “I am sorry F hit you.” If the child lets me hug him/her then I do it. F gets upset and wants me to pick her up immediately. I just say: “F you have to touch him/her gently” and show her how to touch her friends.
- F is a loving and a very active child who is learning that there are many things in this world that she is not able to do and that there are some limitations in her environment. She also gets frustrated when this happens and she shows that she is upset, needs attention, or she is tired. She likes to get people’s attention. I just have to show her that she will not get positive attention when she does things that are not safe for her or her friends.
I know I have to be patient and consistent because she will eventually stop
hitting and will touch her friends gently. She will learn how to respect
and care for them, as well as respect her toys, materials and environment.
Read also:
- Things You Should Never Do During a Toddler Tantrum
- Discipline Strategies – Helping Boys With Their Temper
- 9 Things You Should Never Say to Your Child
- Big Discipline Mistakes Parents Make and How to Fix Them
- 3 Easy Steps to Help us Raise Happy Kids
- How to Raise a Smart Kid Who Loves to Learn
- Peaceful parenting raises a child who WANTS to behave
- 10 Reasons To Build Our Children's Moral IQ
- Why parents should talk a lot to their young kids and choose their words carefully
- Your Child is Not Your Equal: Why You Have to Be the Boss
- What the kids learn best from their parents
- Parents attitude
- Three Ways to Use Play to Get Kids to Behave
No comments:
Post a Comment