Even when we truly love our siblings, there are moments when they do something that annoys us. Usually, this anger disappears after a few minutes. However, sometimes the anger persists, developing into a conflict that can last days, months, or even years. Sibling rivalry can arise for many reasons—sometimes due to personality differences, other times due to jealousy.
Whatever the cause, it is important to resolve conflicts so that siblings can overcome hostility and build a healthy relationship. Family is crucial in providing protection and strength during difficult times, but unfortunately, some relatives may act out of envy or selfishness, misleading or undermining us even more than strangers might.
Below are two stories illustrating these dynamics, followed by a comparison.
Story 1: The Bridge Builder
Two brothers who had lived peacefully next to each other for 40 years had a minor dispute that escalated into a severe argument. Weeks of silence followed, and they avoided each other entirely.
One day, a carpenter arrived, looking for work. The older brother asked him to build a high fence to block the view of his younger brother’s house—a task motivated by anger.
The carpenter, however, built a bridge instead connecting the two properties. When the older brother saw it, he was shocked. The younger brother walked across and embraced him. The carpenter left, saying he had many more bridges to build.
Analysis of the carpenter’s role:
- Why did he act this way?
He did it not for personal gain but out of empathy and a desire to help reconcile the brothers. - What was his role?
He acted with love and care for others, creating a positive outcome rather than ignoring the problem or exacerbating it.
Story 2: The Undermining Relatives
Two siblings in their twenties had a severe argument, and the sister refused to speak to her brother. Their parents and grandparents tried to mediate, and the brother apologized, but the sister remained resentful.
Years later, when the sister became seriously ill, the brother sent gifts and a heartfelt card. Initially, she appreciated them. But the aunt and cousin dismissed his gestures as insincere, claiming the mother orchestrated them. Influenced by their comments, the sister refused to see her brother and even argued with her mother.
Even after the brother personally clarified the truth with the aunt and cousin, they did not inform the sister. The result: permanent estrangement between siblings, a damaged mother-daughter relationship, and increased stress for the sister during her illness.
Analysis of the relatives’ role:
- Did the aunt and cousin act in the siblings’
interest?
No. They actively undermined reconciliation, worsening the conflict. - Could they have helped?
Yes. Even if they doubted the mother, they could have supported her effort or confirmed the brother’s intentions, facilitating reconciliation. - Outcome:
Their interference caused harm, both relational and emotional, rather than promoting healing or understanding.
Comparison of the Two Stories
|
Aspect |
Story 1: Carpenter |
Story 2: Aunt & Cousin |
|
Motivation |
Empathy, goodwill |
Suspicion, malice |
|
Outcome |
Reconciliation of siblings |
Permanent estrangement |
|
Role of Third Party |
Constructive mediator, bridge-builder |
Destructive, exacerbates conflict |
|
Personal Gain |
None |
None explicitly, but acted out of envy/personal bias |
|
Ethical Action |
Acts with love and care |
Acts without regard for others’ well-being |
Key Lessons:
1. Positive third parties can heal relationships: Even a stranger, acting with empathy, can bring reconciliation.
2. Negative interference can cause lasting damage: Relatives with envy or suspicion can worsen conflicts, even unintentionally.
3. Truth and communication are crucial: In the second story, simply confirming the brother’s genuine intentions could have restored relationships.
4. Forgiveness is essential: Resentment can destroy family bonds, but forgiveness and empathy can rebuild them.
Conclusion:
The carpenter in the first story exemplifies the transformative power of
selfless action and care, while the aunt and cousin in the second story
demonstrate how interference driven by distrust or malice can deepen wounds and
break family ties.
Rania Chiourea (PhD), Consultant
in General and Special Education
& Parent Guidance
Posted by Kids Are Special in VARIETY, PARENTS/FAMILY and STORIES
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